What do moving, divorce, spring, and company all have in common? They’re all great reasons to take stock and let go of things you don’t need any more.
I recently moved my files off of an old computer to a new one. I found emails in my inbox that were more than 10 years old! Some of these emails even had details about the negotiations my ex and I went though to settle our divorce. Not really anything I need anymore right? Well, I did it. I let of of those things that I just didn’t need any more. And you know what? It felt good! It felt REALLY good to let that stuff go.
I had to ask myself though, why had I held on to these emails for so long? (Part of the reason I had held on to them for so long was just that I had forgotten they were there. Ten years is kinda a long time.)
Why does anyone hold on to reminders of a painful time or experience? I believe the answer is that we’re afraid of letting go. That if we let go, then it will be as if we’ve lost part of our life or even wasted it. I promise that’s not the case. Being willing to let go of things that remind you of the past and are painful is an important part of allowing yourself the room or permission to remember the good and move on with your life.
Our reluctance to let go of things, thoughts, and ideas that keep us tied to our former spouse and marriage can take many disguises.
Sometimes we hold on to things from our marriage or that remind us of our ex because we tell ourselves it’s about sentimentality. That’s a great reason to keep things that bring us joy or happiness, but if what you’re holding on to brings you sadness or pain, you might want to consider letting it go.
Other times we hold on to things, thoughts, and ideas because we don’t know what to do with them yet. That’s OK. For the physical things you don’t know what to do with yet, move them to someplace where you don’t need to look at them every day. For the thoughts and ideas you don’t know what to do with, you might consider talking about them with a friend, counselor, clergy person, or coach. Sometimes all you need is a safe sounding board to organize your thoughts in a way that you can then let them go.
We also hold on to things because we don’t want them to get wasted. We might even think that we will have a use for them in the future. The same goes for thoughts and ideas. We worry that if we don’t remember them that we might forget and then when we really need them, they won’t be there. the thing to remember is that there is a cost to saving something whether it’s a physical object, a thought or idea. The cost could be monetary, emotional, physical, or a combination of these. When we’re holding on to something because we don’t want to waste it, it’s important to consider the waste of our other resources (monetary, emotional, and physical) to keep it. It just might cost more to keep it than to let it go.
Your Functional Divorce Assignment:
What are you holding on to that you might be ready to let go? Consider the things, thoughts, and ideas that you’re holding on to. The ones that bring you the most pain might just be the ones that you consider letting go of.
What might be the consequences of letting them go? Thinking about the repercussions of letting these things go, you’ll discover both positive and negative possibilities. Get them all out so you can really see what the cost of letting them go might be. Sometimes the consequences of letting them go are really wonderfully positive and you just might be able to let some stuff go right now!
In 30 minutes or less, you can QUICKLY and EASILY pinpoint EXACTLY what you need to do to COMPLETELY get over your divorce… GUARANTEED! http://www.functionaldivorce.com/fdasproduct.html
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Karen Finn, Ph.D. is the creator of The Functional Divorce Coaching Program. She works with people in all phases of divorce who struggle with moving on and who want to find the direction they need to take their lives so they can be confident and happy again. Visit http://www.functionaldivorce.com to learn more about Karen’s work and to register to receive her newsletter. Karen Finn, Ph.D. owns the copyright to this article and reserves all rights to it.
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Because of all who answer.
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